A True Fan
This comment was so great it deserves its own post. KillBillyburg, if you ever want to post for this site, feel free to let me know. I’d be happy to pass the torch, brother.
Didn’t read the article. Don’t need to. Am constantly reminded by everyone I know who lives in Brooklyn every chance they get how GREAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYTTTTTTTTTT (grating is more like it) it is and how JEALLLLLLOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUSSSSSSS I am not to live there. (See above: re: Alison Bass). Alison, I don’t know you, but I can tell you this: as a former seven-year resident of the GREATTTEEEESSSSTTTTTTT borough EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I will tell you why the last thing I am jealous of is your shitty borough: It sucks. Did you happen to read the title of this blog? From the bowels of Bay Ridge to the trust-fund nose-bleed sections of Brooklyn Heights, IT. SUCKS. I have never been mugged by a crackhead in any other borough other than Brooklyn. I’ve never fallen asleep to the sound of gunfire other than in Brooklyn, I’ve never had a black kid sitting on a tricycle throw cans at me and yell at me to “Go home, Snow White” other than in Brooklyn, I’ve never had illegal cock fighting rings be formed anywhere but right outside my window other than in Brooklyn. I’ve never had crack vials crunch under my feet other than in Brooklyn, I’ve never had apartment(s) structurally suck (and cost) more than in Brooklyn, I’ve never had the unearned arrogance of a clueless trust fund baby cut me off in the grocery line/bar/gallery/lame-ass, middle of nowhere party in someone’s structurally unsound, illegal-sublet Brooklyn apartment other than in Brooklyn, I’ve never had more arrogant, ignorant, hypocritical, myopic people tell me how great Brooklyn is other than in Brooklyn. Please leave this space at once and instead do what you most crave: drowning yourself in like minded, lock-step pod people at your Park Slope co-op coffee house surrounded by Sister-school educated stroller mommies in sexless marriages having their monthly global warming Meet Up discussion while their SUVs idle outside and their Jamaican/Filipina/Polish nannies (who get paid under the table and make $6 bucks an hour and haven’t personally seen their own children in years) manufacture a play date for all the afore-mentioned double-wide stroller mommies “precious” little obnoxious snotty tykes two feet away. This is all for the children, of course: Max, Madison, Ashley and Dakota will all grow up thinking Brooklyn is so great that they will inbreed into your ever-homogenized gene pool and thus may eventually kill off, or at least make even more retarded, the loathesome above-described type known as Stroller Mommy, hallelujah. Alison, we on this blog don’t like Brooklyn, because get this! It! Sucks!
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Comments
LOL, I live in Brooklyn and I completely 100% agree with you!!! I HATE IT, IT SUCKS….the second my lease is up, im out of this crappy borough!
Soooo damned true. I made the mistake of moving out here to Bensonhurst less than a year ago – from Jersey City, which I previously thought was the worst place a person could live in the NYC metropolitan area. Big mistake. I’ve run into some of the nastiest, greediest, most disgustingly bigoted, ignorant and self-important idiots in this neighborhood – they couldn’t care less about the world around them, and seem to think that they’re the only people worthy of an existence. Loud-mouthed, vulgar and completely unaware of the fact that they’re coming across as poorly as they always are… screaming at each other from the windows, intimidating pedestrians with their garish, over-decorated Hummers (meantime living in crumbling, neglected buildings bordering on slum-level), bringing their arguments into the street for all the world to see. Just pathetic, disgusting examples of humanity. I mean, for Chrissakes. I was born in Kentucky… and while there, I never, ever saw white trash that even came close to what’s in abundance over here.
Hey there. Thanks for the kind words. Although I take issue with the idea that you would automatically assume I’m a man, I was entirely flattered by the response, so again, thanks. It’s really more a stress reliever than anything else. It fortifies me for times when I open up my Budget Travel newsletter and I have to be subjected to the following drivel. So when a travel mag finally does a – not one, not two, but FIVE PAGE story on Brooklyn, you know it’s officially become the Las Vegas of Hipsterdom. And as we know, Vegas is nothing if not the personification of CLASS. I could just see the tour buses from Iowa gearing up to make a whole day of it when I found it nauseatingly placed in the “Most Popular Articles” section.
The article is further proof as well that I know I am in the right for not thinking being served a $12 grilled cheese sandwich by a contemptuous lesbian performance artist in yet another ubiquitous “Bistro” is getting a “great deal” filled with “atmosphere”. I bet ten years ago, one of those palatable-for-recently-transplanted-suburbanites-only-who-think-they-are-getting-authentic-French-cuisine-because-the-cook-put-some-fennel-next-to-the-$15-omlette is “great”. The most sad-sack thing of all is that the buildings these hideous spots now inhabit were probably once owned by some completely cool I-don’t-give-a-shit-what-you-think old school guys from Italy who actually HAD character.
Seriously, how many oversized Cocoa advertisements from the 1930s can you put on a wall in order to desperately claim that you’re an original? Doesn’t Au Bon Pain do the same thing? Aren’t there like, 30 of these places mentioned in the article alone? And aren’t those French hot chocolate posters from the 30s on every dorm room wall from here to Tacoma by now? And yet these “hotspots” all have the same $15 omelette with a side of fennel on the menu, and the lemmings still buy it.
Read at your own peril:
http://www.budgettravelonline.com/bt-dyn/content/article/2007/02/19/AR2007021900391.html